http://app-lostinlimbo-1.aidpage.com/ Wed, 31 Jan 2007 21:06:03 PST en-us Aidpage(SM) http://help-very-suddenly-widowed-34yr-old-i-feel-like-i-m-losing-ever.app-lostinlimbo-1.aidpage.com/ Hi - I am a 34 yr old female and I just lost my husband of 12 years on Jan 19th suddenly - We took him to the Hospital on December 20th and they told us he had Bronchitis 4 weeks later I was signing documentation to turn off life support because my husband had suffered sever heart failure and organ damage due to 2 weeks of internal bleeding. I have two children one is my late husbands biological son and they other is a stepchild that he always treated and raised as his own. I dont work, my husband was the sole supporter in the household - I am unable to work at this time as I suffer from narcolepsy which sometimes is very severe to the point I have 5-6 episodes per day and somedays none. I dont qualify for disability as the SS administration doesnt feel it's debilitating enough. I also suffer from vertigo and often fall down. I feel like I took my husband for granted as I never realized until he was gone just how much he did for me and the kids, I Loved him more than anything in the world because he always accepted me as I was and never tried to change me in anyway. I will always love him! We have no medical insurance so I also cannot continually go to a doctor to address my illnesses like I would like to do and the local health department wont even address the narcolepsy or vertigo issues whatsoever. My husband had a small life insurance policy but his mother is the named beneficiary and she has voice her opinion of what she thinks of me and she blames me for his death so I nor our son will ever see a dime of that. I couldnt even afford funeral arrangements in fact his body is still being stored at $35.00 per day at the local crematory. Everyone is angry with me because I decided not to have any services and they feel like I'm being disrespectful to his memory, but I cannot go through the extended grief of services nor can I afford anything as like I said I cant even afford to complete the funeral arrangements just yet. My husband and I had NO friends only a few acquaintences that only came around when they needed something fixed by my husband. Not one person has come to the house or called since his death. We were each other's ONLY friends. so I also did not see the point in having services for that matter. My children and I want to celebrate his life and the time we shared as a family in our own private way. I cannot even file for disability death benefits as of yet as I need the final death certificate in order to do so which the medical examiner/pathologist told me will be 6-8 weeks so I'm stuck in limbo for almost 2 months not knowing where to turn. Also I cannot get any state benefits until I prove he is no longer alive which also requires that same death certificate. I was not prepared for this in anyway, nor did I ever think I would need to "start over" again. I was happy and in a comfortable marriage which was very loving in everyway. Now I feel like I've lost my husband, my love, my best friend, my partner, father of my children, my heart and I now have to worry I'm going to lose my home and anything else I may have since I have no income. When he died we had $70.00 in the bank which is now gone. I wish I could walk in to a prospective employer and give them all my circumstances and not have them just look at me like I'm crazy for even expecting they would possibly hire me with all my "baggage". I feel so damaged and lost like I have noone and soon nowhere to turn to. My phone rang about 50 times today from people all wanting money from me for the household bills, personal bills, and now over $100k in medical bills by the time I add it all together. I just cant handle it, there has to be some hope. My groceries will soon run out as well I most likely have enough for about another week and that's it. My electric will be due in about a week, along w/ my car insurance which if I dont pay then they will suspend my license pending a $250.00 reinstatement fee along w/ proof of valid insurance to restore my priveleges. Can anyone possibly help me in anyway, please! I'm gladly able to work from home as then I can deal w/ the sudden need to sleep issues and the dizzy spells but I have yet to find any legitimate opportunities as everything seems like it's a scam and now my email in box is flooded w/ thousands of emails per day from all these companies that want me to send them money I dont have so they can screw me over. I'm an excellent typist (over 100wpm) I know computers, software, etc.... extremely well but like I said I just havnt been able to get my foot in any doors as of yet as it's my conditions that hinder me and why should they hire someone w/ health issues that can only work a certain set hours over someone that is more flexible and is healthy. Again Please Help me! Wed, 31 Jan 2007 21:06:03 PST